A sense of remebrance

The clock on my laptop is showing me it’s 11:54 p.m. right now, music by Shallou is coming out of its speakers, the wind outside makes the trees speak. I lie in my bed and feel somehow overwhelmed. A lot of things went through my mind lately and a certain tenseness is filling the air. A cocktail made of nostalgia and melancholy fill every fiber of my body at that moment.

Those moment happen a lot lately. When I observe the world and the people that live in it, I can’t stop but feel like we’re missing out on so much, that we’re too consumed by things that are just empty promises and somehow that makes me sad, again and again.
When I go outside and look at people I see that man who wishes to spend more time with his son that rather drowns in his phone than to look at his dad. I feel his disappointment, his unspoken words that lie heavy on his tongue.

I see that businesslady in her corset of business-clothes and forced politeness. I see that she’d rather sit at home on her couch, call that friend she shared so much with but lost touch with somehow and invite her to her place to talk about things that have long passed over a glass of wine and leftover pizza from the day before.

I see that old woman in the queue at the grocery store as she slowly unloads the items in her cart. She feels pressured to be quicker and looks at the people behind her, hoping not to see faces of hurry and annoyance. I greet her with a smile. She smiles back and I see the loneliness in her face. I help to unload the items in her cart and wish her a good day. I imagine her in her apartment, the only company she might have is her T.V that keeps the everpresent silence at bay. Rarely having a visitor, being left to herself, she shares the fate of millions of older people. I feel her quiet pain, as she is, as so many others, neglected and left alone because we are busy with more “important” things.

I don’t know why those things bother me so much. Maybe I am old fashioned in some ways, but I feel that nowadays we more and more loose sight of the things that make life really worthwhile and meaningful. We are obsessed with status, designer clothes, the newest smartphone, the bigger car and we pour our precious life energy into these things, so much so that they become the primary object of pursuit in the forefront of our awareness and the truly important things such as family, friendship and true connection with others become just a means to an end to gain even more or not even real or authentic in the first place.

And as I sit here in my bed, I remind myself that I have friends close and spread far around the globe that I really trust, I have much better relationships with my family and overall feel more connected to myself and others and in having these things, I have no drive to accumulate unnecessary stuff for myself or to squeeze myself into the newest clothes to gain recognition. I am not wealthy, I am rich in other ways and nothing would I ever trade in for the friends I have, for the relationships I built and polished.

Maybe it’s because I have the things that most people are looking for in their pursuits that makes me so sad, because I have been there once and I know they are just empy promises and will never do the job of filling our everpresent need for connection.

There is a much deeper depth to life, if we share it with people. Life is so much greater if we don’t put all of our focus and energy into things we don’t really need nor want. Of course, it’s easier to take out your credit card and swipe it through the card reading machine to buy yourself a bunch of nice clothes that will give you a quick fix of false happiness, instead of tending towards the relationships that may need rekindling and healing or the friendship lies in heaps.

The easy route might be easy to travel, but it gets you nowhere. The tough road that leads you into the valley of broken relationships, disillusionment and even isolation is one that will demand everything of you. Your willingless to accept truths you didn’t want to hear nor accept their existence, your courage to admit your wrongdoings and mistakes and your faith to sit by yourself for periods of time. This road will show you beauty as much as all the ugly things you didn’t dare to see, but most importantly, it will show you the right way.

We should take breaks more often and just look around and appreciate the world around us and the people we share it with, no matter how much we may curse the existence of another, in the end, life is only happening when we relate to one another. In the huslte and bustle of everyday life, take moments to relfect. Reflect upon what you’re thinking about, what decisions you make and WHY you make them, how you treat others and yourself and what should be the focus in your life. Be very mindful and aware in what you invest your precious energy, you only have so much.

I guess what I want to say in essence is:

Stay grounded in your body and don’t let yourself be carried away by this and that, be here. Now. Don’t let life harden you. Life is only going to work out if you’re open and receptive to the world out there and to the world inside of you. Stay alert.
Love people. Have fun. Lots of it. Beautify this world a little bit, so that others may find reasons to appreciate it more. Only a world that is appreciated will be kept alive. We have to make sure that nature’s game of being aware of itself continues, because after all as one of the most influencal people on my life has said a long time ago:

“We didn’t come into this world, we came out of it, like leaves on a tree.”

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